Faisalabad, Pakistan: Police yesterday arrested Amir Dogar, his wife, and three children after they allegedly killed Mr. Wasim Jaffer and his family when they visited the Dogar house for dinner. An FIR was filed in the Jinnah District Thana by Mr. Jaffer’s brother when he found out that the Dogar family over fed [...]
Entries from March 2009
March 25, 2009
Tehrik-e-Taliban Tourism Minister Vows to Replicate Switzerland
In one of the first developments after taking power in Swat, the Tehrik-e-Taliban have established a 12 member cabinet in charge of implementing Sharia in the region. In a surprising move, the first cabinet minister announced was not of defense, interior or foreign – but tourism. According to one source who was part [...]
March 23, 2009
President and PM Hold Meeting to Decide the Subject of Next Meeting
Islamabad, Pakistan: Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani and President Asif Ali Zardari today met to decide on the next meeting’s agenda. Our sources from the Presidency confirmed that the meeting lasted for over two hours. It is rumored that President Zardari decided to forgo his trip to Dubai in order to reconcile with the Prime [...]
March 19, 2009
Miranshah Supreme Sharia Court – Weekly Roundup
Dr. Maulana Philauna earned his Bachelors degree in Islamic Studies from Mount Holyoke University, his Doctorate in Women Studies from Smith College and obtained his L.L.M. from LSE (Lahore School of Economics). Dr. Maulana Philauna is the author of two New York Times best sellers, including the Pulitzer Prize winning “Haraam Whore.” He was a [...]
March 18, 2009
Privatization Commission puts PM House up for Sale
The Privatization Commission today put the Prime Minister House up for privatization. This drastic move has come after the State Bank yesterday confirmed Pakistan’s foreign exchange reserves to be at an all time low of $56,487.9. The State Bank confirmed that the reserves are just enough to cover imports for the next “few hours”. By [...]
March 16, 2009
Influx of Celebrities Visiting Refugee Camps in Peshawar
Peshawar, Pakistan: Afghani refugees in Peshawar continued their struggles this past winter in finding food, shelter, and warmth. However, after the visit of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt this past month, refugees can find hope in the increasing influx of Hollywood celebrities in the area. Following the trend of Angelina Jolie, the likes of Avril [...]
March 11, 2009
Zardari Signs “Zardari Protection Act” into Law
Islamabad, Pakistan: After a unanimous vote in both the Parliament and Senate, President Zardari signed into law the “Zardari Protection Act,” effective immediately and termed to expire at the death of the President. The “Zardari Protection Act” forces all males above the age of 14 to grow a mustache, so as to confuse would-be potential [...]
March 8, 2009
Inzamam Hired as English Coach for Cricket Team
Lahore, Pakistan: The Pakistan Cricket Board has hired former captain Inzamam ul Haq as the English language trainer for the national cricket team. Inzamam’s new contract leaves him in charge for the upcoming tour against Australia, after which his performance will be evaluated. Maila Times has learned from its sources that Inzamam is terminating his [...]
March 5, 2009
President Defends Government’s Performance
Islamabad, Pakistan: In a hastily arranged press at the newly opened Marriott in Islamabad, President Asif Ali Zardari defended his government’s record and told the assembled media to wait till the end of the year before passing judgments on its performance. “We are the most successful government in Pakistan’s history. We inherited a weak base [...]
March 3, 2009
New Biological Weapon Frustrating Coalition Troops
Chaman, Pakistan: Coalition forces patrolling the porous Afghan-Pakistan border near Quetta are continuing their frustrating search for a mysterious WMD called “Allah ka Marzi,” which doctors claim to be the cause of over 80% deaths in the region. This WMD, better known as ‘God’s Mercy,’ to people in the West, has eluded [...]
March 1, 2009
PM Announces Benazir Bhutto Stimulus Plan
Islamabad, Pakistan: On the steps of the Prime Minister’s house, Prime Minister Gilani announced plans for an economic stimulus aimed to relieve the economic hardships for the average Pakistani. This stimulus plan, called the Benazir Bhutto Stimulus Plan (BBSP), will be based roughly on the 2008 stimulus plan of the United States, where [...]
