August 23, 2009...5:48 am

China: Pakistan Is a Facebook Whore

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friendsIslamabad, Pakistan: A diplomatic scandal erupted online yesterday when the Foreign Office of Pakistan found out that China, Pakistan’s so called “BFF,” de-friended Pakistan on Facebook. Initially, Pakistan thought that it was just an error, but senior ISI officials, after logging into Facebook through another account, confirmed that China had indeed removed Pakistan as a friend on Facebook.

Reports indicate that China is upset at Pakistan because they have started to become jealous of Pakistan over recent wall posts written by US diplomats on Pakistan’s wall. There were also questionable and scandalous photographs of Pakistani diplomats and US officials flirting in a night of debauchery in a local Chinese restaurant, which may have offended China.

Tensions have recently been high with the “Friends of Pakistan” group, as several of them have started to put Pakistan on limited profile and have ignored reciprocal ‘poke’ requests by Pakistan. Saudi Arabia complained a few days ago that Pakistan just ‘likes’ everything that the USA posts. The Saudi Foreign Minister has characterized Pakistan’s Facebook antics as “whorish,” and thinks that Pakistan is too much of a stalker.

Other countries, especially Western countries, have been upset at Pakistan because Pakistan keeps writing on their wall, reminding them that they still need money for rent and utility bills. “Seriously, how clingy are they?” asked Swiss Finance Minister Andrea Osberg. “You help them out once, and then they keep coming back for more. Like a puppy!”

Chinese officials have confirmed to Maila Times that they had blocked Pakistan on Facebook, because “They have not been acting like true friends.” According to Chinese spokesman, Pakistan never replies to China’s wall posts and always untags China in pictures that they are in with Pakistan. “It is as if they are embarrassed of us,” said a Chinese official. However, the official did say that if Pakistan deletes all questionable wall posts by the United States and if Pakistan comments on China’s new profile picture, then they will consider to friend Pakistan again, albeit on limited profile.

Pakistan Foreign Minister Shah Mahmood Qureshi has downplayed any rumors or reports that the “Friends of Pakistan” are upset with the country. “I create and invite them to Facebook groups all the time,” said Mr. Qureshi. “I even invited them to the group ‘One Million Strong For Pakistan’, but for some reason none of them have joined. It’s not because they don’t like us – I think it’s just because they are trying to keep up a public image, and that’s understandable.” Other Pakistani spokesman told Maila Times on the condition of anonymity that it had twice created events in Dubai and London for all of their friends to get together and have fun, but everyone ignored the event and declined to come.

Two years ago, Pakistan was involved in another Facebook scandal when it appeared on Pakistan’s friends’ newsfeeds’ that Pakistan had be-befriended Israel. Though Pakistan and Israel had both kept each other on limited profile, many Muslim countries in protest did not write “Happy Birthday” on August 14th on Pakistan’s wall to demonstrate their distaste with Pakistan’s new friend.  Similarly last year, scandal erupted when Pakistan was listed as ‘in a relationship’ with the United States.

Mr. Qureshi did however say that Pakistan is working on amicably fixing the misunderstanding and that Pakistan and China will be friends again shortly.  In a related matter, Pakistan recently completed and posted the quiz on their home page “Which Third World Country Are You?” which found that Pakistan was most like India.  Mr. Qureshi said that in addition to Pakistan and India sharing many mutual friends, this proved that Pakistan and India can work together to bring an end to the regional crisis.

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