January 16, 2010...1:09 am

Poondi No Longer Considered a Shugal Activity

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Salik seen here, disgusted by the haraam clothes. Source: Dailytimes

Lahore, Pakistan: In an interesting turn of events, recent surveys conducted this winter during Pakistan’s wedding season show that weddings are no longer massive poondi fests. Shaadi halls, which were once known as the best arenas for Pakistan’s favorite national pastime, no longer carry the same purpose. This chaotic change of events has caused mass confusion amongst shaadi hall owners, resulting in billions of rupees in lost profits and a sharp decline in the average level of ‘shugal.’

According to the report, the majority of Pakistan males said that before, their one and only incentive to attend shaadis was to engage in the act of poonding. However, when asked to explain why the sudden lack of interest in ‘bachis,’ the two major reasons for the decline in poondi at shaadis was aggressive aunties trying to scope out future son in laws and  that Pakistani men have now developed a taste for ‘seedhi saadhi larkiyan.’ Bilal Malik, a Lahori who takes pride in checking out ‘bachis,’ told Maila Times that these days, he prefers young pious Muslim women. “Yaar, aaj kal it’s a total dry scene. Chikni bachiyan tho milthi hi nahin hain, Allah ka shukar. We used to go to shaadis to catch glimpses of skin, ankle, shoulder, anything, magar ab tho it’s so disgusting!” said Mr. Malik. Salik Hussain, also a once avid shaadi attendee, said that “I would sit in the Marriott lobby and wait to see which shaadi the hottest girls would go to. Then, I would rush to grab front row seats. Once, I found myself sitting right in front of a girl wearing a see through lace kameez doing a solo dance to ‘Zara Zara Touch Me,’ – it was the best moment of my life back then, but now I realize how haraam that is.”

However, political analysts who looked over the surveys said that the madness can be attributed to female shaadi attendees no longer wearing sexy backless saris, spaghetti strap kameezes, and risqué white lace suits,’ rather than a change in male tastes.  Analysts at the Institute of Poondi Research (IPR) remarked that they have also noticed the change of behaviour by Pakistan men. Nadim Khan, a spokesman for the IPR, said that men no longer are whispering remarks such as “Baby choose me, baby choose me,” and no longer make kissing noises every time a girl walks by at shaadis. “They think that women would rather be treated with respect and kindness,” said Mr. Khan. “Now days, men never bring out any launda ways at weddings. Poondi is a Western phenomenon that was picked up by our youth after watching TV shows such as Jersey Shore.”

It also appears as though Pakistani females are no longer feeling the love. “I used to hate it when guys would whistle at me every time I left the house. But now, after the lack of attention, I don’t feel pretty anymore and it’s really made me depressed,” says Zainab Ali, a frequent shaadi attendee. Saira Ahmad, a dutiful friend who dances at weddings, says that “I don’t get any sort of appreciation for my skimpy clothing. No one tries elbowing me in my chest or grabbing my behind. I don’t even hear a single whistle. What’s the point of wearing barely anything, when no one acknowledges me? I used to despise it when videographers would upload my videos on You Tube, but now, I feel that a certain part of my life is missing.” When asked about what they will now do to attract Pakistani men, Zainab and Saira agree that they should sport oily hair, have acne filled makeup-less faces, and wear conservative flower/heart printed shalwar kameezes. “The outfits that my mother chooses and approves for me seem to be the sexiest now,” said Aisha Tariq, a student at LGS Defence who used to bring the boys to the yard. “She was right – mother does know best.”

[MT: This story was submitted by JR]

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